listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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