can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
jump out the window naked night went bad
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
