Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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