this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
