Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
