I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
