i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
