omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
organizing the empties. That sober.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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