Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
