1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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