So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
