I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
