they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
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He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
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We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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