She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
