I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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