I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
