she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
