The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
