I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
