two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
