Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize