Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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