Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
