If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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