I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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