I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
