Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
