WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
