You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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