I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
