my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
