Where is the hickey?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
