Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
there was a trapeze. enough said
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
