No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
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I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
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Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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