No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
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