i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
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Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
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You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES