i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
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Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
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I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.