So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
