i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Boobs are out for the taking
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
