Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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