these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
