We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I FOUND THE LEGS
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
