is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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