and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
