Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
