Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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