If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
