sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
