The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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