yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
