I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
