the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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