Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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