so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
