Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
