Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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