i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
