I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
