it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
