Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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