i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
