i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
