i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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