i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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