so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
