Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
