somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
