I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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