you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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