Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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