get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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