what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
