she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
