I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
