So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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