would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We talked him into tasing himself.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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