So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
