How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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