You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
