What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
