We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
