hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
