I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
