Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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